Over the past couple of weeks I have been trying to write a blog post about my thoughts on recent personal events. Each one has ended up in my drafts folder never to see the light of day due to the lack of direction and, honestly, the confusion and frustration that I have been trying to sweep to the side so I can move on.
All the drafted blog posts that I have been writing have torn apart what might be wrong with me. What is the root cause of why things are not going as far as I wanted them to go.
What am I doing wrong?
What can I do better?
Is it my personality?
Is it my appearance?
After writing 4 posts, I realized that I was more frustrated with that I gave everything that I could think of giving and it still didn't work out.
Baggage because of previous relationships
I'm so tired of walls that people put up because of previous relationship experiences. I get needing to have time and space to get over a previous relationship, but just because a previous relationship was bad does not mean the new and upcoming relationship will also be bad. If this is coming up then you entered a relationship that the other person isn't ready to be in. They haven't taken the time to heal.
If I took all my baggage that I had from all my previous relationships and shoved it into a relationship, it would be a wreck. I know that I have these issues, but I try my hardest to not act on the urges I get from them. I try my hardest to not let them affect me. I'm not saying I'm perfect because sometimes I can barely deal with the emotional strain it causes to not act on them. If it gets bad enough I will tell the other person, not because I want them to change their behavior, but because they need to know I am trying to deal with it.
"I don't want this to become a problem and I know you don't know a lot about my previous relationships, but this is what I am dealing with. I wasn't going to bring it up unless it became a problem but what you are doing it causing me to feel this way."
If the person is receptive to your current problems they should be willing to acknowledge it and hopefully be aware that what they are doing is affecting you.
I have talked about online dating before on my blog and what it has taught me over the past couple of years. Here are a few more things I want to shout out.
Online dating is where you go to find out how shallow and judgemental everyone is. Hands down online dating only pokes holes in the confidence you would show anywhere else. Online dating will dwindle any kind of confidence you have left. You can put in a day worth of work, trying to find women online that you find, not only attractive, interesting to read about. Only to have all of your hard work swept into their trash bin at the end of the day. Women, on the other hand, have to handle the never ending onslaught of boring and perverted messages. So it doesn't add a good environment to try to get their attention.
I know that sometimes life can get in the way. In fact the last relationship I tried to work with, she basically got kicked in the face by life. Its hard to work with something like that. You can never find the time to do things, dates get canceled and its hard to keep a relationship going when there is all that stress. I tried to do things for her but she had life event after life event that were serious enough for me to try to offer to help but mainly just give her the space she needs. (Might have been the wrong move. idk.)
Then there are the kind of people that you try to ask out, and an excuse comes up so you offer to accompany them while they work on their excuse. Ha I just learned that if this starts to become a theme, there is something wrong.
Who am I? And what are my expectations?
I feel like I am that "nice guy" that everyone talks about finishing last. I go out of my way to make someone feel special. Granted I get a little carried away with the things I do. But I get excited to give gifts and try to do acts of kindness. Is someone feeling sick? Take them soup. Is someone going on an early morning journey? Pick up their favorite caffeinated drink before they go.
As for dealing with me I try to be straightforward. I haven't always been this way, but I have found it's easier. There isn't any reason to dart around a bush trying to break up. Just do it. I promise, from personal experience, it is easier to just be told rather than being ignored or believe that everything is fine.
The kind of woman I would expect to date would have these main qualities.
- Down to earth
- Strives to be healthy
There are a few other minor details that I don't necessarily need but I wouldn't mind.
- Someone who doesn't need to go out to have fun.
- They can bunker down in a pillow fort and watch movies with me.
- They aren't just be a homebody 100% of the time.
- I have found that the most personalities comes out when you are out in the world experiencing life.
- Someone who would be willing to dress up every so often to go out.
Other than that, I am happy with whatever else comes with them.
Even with all these problems, I am grateful for them. They have allowed me to better identify possible problems before ever getting into future relationships. I definitely took the harder road learning them by experience, but I would rather know that I have found someone that equally wants me as much as I want them. Plus pillow forts are still cool, even if you are an adult.