What do you do when you feel like your body is pitted against yourself? How do you lower the natural fear of death to be able to clearly interpret telephoned messages from your body? How do you get others to believe you when you're plagued by misdirection of your own mind through stress and acute physical deprivation? I can't be the only one who fears this.

I called 911 today.

Mic drop

For the past two months I've had strange painful sensations in my chest. They haven't been very frequent and really they haven't happened recently. They were small but sharp and short in duration. I'd feel nauseated for a few seconds after they would occur but it would quickly go away. They always happened in the same place. Center left chest.

Tuesday of last week I was talking to some friends. We laughed. Bam!

Mr. Grim gripped my heart for a split second. It hurt.

This got me to go to an instacare. They hooked me up to all these wires and watched the rhythm of my heart. "Looks good"

I pick up a holter monitor a day later. Itchy as hell. I tracked every movement I did for the next two days. Pee? Mark it. Sex? Mark it. Heart stopped due to a flight of stairs? Mark it.

I returned it on Friday EOD. Radio silence.

Today. Back pain center back left shoulder blade. Takes my breath away when I breathe in. Hearts racing. I remember the doctor telling me to look out for a heart beat that seems uncontrollable.

Shit...

I try to practice mindfulness. "This is all me. I'm just stressed. If the results had something obvious I'd have heard about it by now." Heart rate slows slightly.

Ryland's playing.

What if you pass out?

I get up to go into the kitchen. Heart is racing again. It's like I ran.

Phones out.

Should I call 911?

Wife's taking a shower.

Back still hurts. Let's try stretching.

Didn't work. Ryland thought it was a game.

I'm sweating. Starting to shake and become light headed. Screw it.

Ringing...


"What seems to be the problem?" I explain the events that happened prior to paramedics arriving. My wife is next to me. 4 paramedics towering over me nodding their heads as I describe what was going on. They take my blood pressure and oxygen levels. 99% oxygen. 169/90 BP... Highest I've ever seen since I began tracking my own blood pressure.

We decide to not take a ride. Discussing further what might have been the cause. "BP is high due to pain" shivering, sweating, lightheadedness from panic attack. At this point my back still hurts when trying to breathe. They leave.

We decide to go to an instacare. I walk back to the other side of the house. The pain is gone...


I don't want to be a person who creates their own problems. I don't want to be the person who is written off as just having anxiety. But today the anxiety didn't come about until the pain introduced itself. I was fine until then. I'm somewhat proud I was able to control my heart rate, although temporarily. A year ago I would have told you that it wasn't possible.

Right now I feel fine. I don't feel stressed like I would have thought. Maybe tomorrow.

BP 122/77 HR 57